I couldn't believe what Justin had just told me.  Technically it wasn't cheating, but if it wasn’t cheating then why did I feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest?
 
 

We sat there for at least five minutes in complete silence, except for my sniffling.  Finally he couldn't take it anymore and moved over towards me, just as I had asked him not to. 
 
 

"Justin don't ... don't touch me.  I don't want your funky hands on me after they've touched her," I spat out bitterly, meaning every word.  Just the thought of what they had done made me sick to my stomach.  I didn't think I could ever get past that. 
 
 

But he ignored me, reaching out to try and wipe my tears away and I slapped at his hand.  "I said DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled unexpectedly, suddenly bursting into gut-wrenching, hysterical sobs that wracked my body.  All I could picture was him kissing and touching her like he touched me and it made me want to stab him with the nearest sharp object.  He had betrayed me and our trust in every way possible, as far as I was concerned.
 
 

"Tara, baby, please ..." he was close to tears himself, still trying to gather me into his arms.  "It didn't mean anything, I swear!"
 
 

That's where I lost it.  Anger overtook me, a huge fury unlike any other that I'd experienced and I took it out on him.  Beating against his chest and shoulders, I wailed, "How could you do that with her of all people?  How could you do that to me Justin?  You made me look like an idiot today in front of her -- no wonder she was smiling like that!  I hate you for this, do you hear me?  I hate you for doing this to me!" Spent from my physical and verbal tirade, I collapsed into his arms and sobbed my heart out -- what was left of my heart, anyway.
 
 

Because I'd given him my heart months ago and he'd stomped all over it.
 
 

As I sobbed, he kept murmuring sweet words to me, rubbing my back and telling me that he loved me more than anything in the world and couldn't live without me.  That he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and he would make it up to me.
 
 

As if.
 
 

When my head began to clear, I realized that there was no way I could stay in that suite with him then.  I wasn't going to go with my first instinct which was to hop on a plane back to Washington, D.C. immediately, but I wasn't sleeping with him.  I could barely stand for him to touch me.  Still sniffling, I sat up and away from him.  "I need to get out of here," I said sadly.  He thought I meant I wanted to go outside and get some fresh air because he offered to arrange for security right away.
 
 

"I can get Mike to go with you," he told me and I shook my head.
 
 

"No, I mean out of this suite.  I'm not staying here with you ... I'll stay with Sash and Jen," I said determinedly.  "I can't be around you right now."  Standing, I went to get my suitcases from out of the bedroom while he followed me.
 
 

"T ... this is crazy!  How are we gonna work things out if you keep running away from me?"  He had a hell of a lot nerve.
 
 

Shaking my head, I laughed sharply.  "What, you want me to stay here and sleep with you and kiss you and touch you knowing you just fucked her a few weeks ago? Thank God I didn't have sex with you again.  God must be looking out for me."
 
 

He looked chagrined.  "You didn't have a problem kissing and touching me before you found about this.  Tara, please ... don't go.  Let's work this out, baby.  Please, I'm begging you not to leave."
 
 

I shook my head again.  Unbelievable.  If he thought we were working things out in the same suite that evening he was nuts.  "Trust me on this, J.  Ooh wait, isn't that her nickname for you?  Sorry ... anyway believe me, it's much better if you give me some space right now or I'm liable to say some things I might regret."
 
 

"I can take whatever you want to say, T.  Just please stay."  He blocked the doorway so I couldn't leave the bedroom, trying to grab my roll-away suitcase and carry-on bag from me but I persevered, despite his red-rimmed eyes.  I refused to feel sorry for him.
 

"Some things can't be taken back and the things I want to say to you can't be taken back ... so let me have some space!  Now MOVE!" I yelled again, on the verge of tears again.  I could tell he recognized the seriousness of my tone because he backed off and I began trekking my way out of the suite.  On my way out I remembered Jen and Sasha were still on the beach and I didn't have a key to their suite so I stopped and called Jen's cell.  She answered right away.
 
 

"Tara? What's up?"  I could hear laughter and talking in the background.
 
 

Just hearing her voice made me start crying all over again while Justin stood helplessly in the doorway to the bedroom, just watching me. "Jen ... I need you," I wailed into the phone.  "Can y-y-you c-c-come up h-h-here now?"
 
 

"I'll be right there," she answered, clicking her phone shut.  I knew Sasha would be right behind her and that they'd arrive in a few minutes.  So what to do until then?  I couldn't stay in the suite with Justin -- I just couldn't -- so I wheeled my bag out into the hallway, swiping at my eyes and trying to appear composed. I prayed no one would be in the hallway to catch me in such a state so of course Mike happened to be walking right down the hallway.
 
 

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked right away, for once not out of nosiness but pure concern, which only made me want to cry even more.  Trying hard to hold back the tears, I shrugged.
 
 

"We're not getting along so well right now."  Understatement of the year.  "So I'm gonna stay with Sasha and Jen for a day or so," I told him through my tears.
 
 

He sighed, and I knew then that he knew about Britney but I didn't blame him for not telling me.  He worked for Justin, not me, and telling Justin's business would only get him fired.  In fact, I didn't want to discuss the situation any further with him for fear he'd get into trouble.  But with a sympathetic look on his face, he opened his big ol' arms to pull me in for a hug and as much as I wanted to pull away for fear of compromising his job, I couldn't help it -- I bawled like a baby.  The whole time I could feel Justin watching from the doorway but I chose to ignore him and pull all the comfort that I could get from Mike until Sasha and Jen came rushing up.
 
 

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sasha asked, as both she and Jen crowded around me.  "What the fuck did he do now?"  Just then Justin quietly closed the door to his suite and Mike stepped back from me.
 
 

"I'm gonna go check on him," he nodded in Justin's room direction and I nodded back, saying thank you in my own way.  Then I was ushered into Sash and Jen's suite where I broke the news to them in a flood of tears.
 
 

"I'll kill him," Sasha said grimly.  "Where are my nail scissors?  I'm stabbing that motherfucker.  He flew you all the way out here to tell you some garbage like that?  Oh hell no."  She paced back and forth in the room, ready to do some serious damage.  "And that bitch out there grinning like that ... he can't treat you like that and just get away with it.  Revenge will be mine, I swear it."   That was my girl, holding it down for me.
 
 

Jen sighed and put her head in her hands.  "Just when I was starting to like him again," she moaned.  "He had to go and fuck it all up as usual.  I hope he didn't use that 'we were on a break' bullshit."
 
 

I could barely remember what he said, to be honest.  "I think I'm in shock or something because the whole conversation's a blur.  All I know is he slept with another woman, Britney Spears of all people, and I don't know what to do about it," I said through a wad of tissues stuck to my nose.  "Technically we weren't together but now every time I look at him I think of the two of them together and I want to puke."
 
 

"Would beating her up make you feel better?" Sasha asked, and Jen shook her head.
 
 

"She isn't friends with Tara; she doesn't owe Tara anything.  It's Justin's fault if anyone's ... although Tara's right.  They weren't together ... this is some fucked up shit."  She turned to look at me, where I was now huddled against a huge pillow.  "Do you have any idea what you might want to do?  At all?"
 
 

"No," I said honestly.  "I love him so much.  But I don't know if I can trust him anymore ... especially with her flying all over the place to see him.  That's the only reason she’s here, you know that, to rub this shit in my face.  I feel like such an idiot!"  I buried my face in my hands and started crying hard again.
 
 

Sasha thought it through logically, which was weird because Jen is usually the logical one.  "Seems to me the best way to make her look like an ass is to permanently attach yourself to Justin ... then her whole trip will be for nothing, right?"
 
 

She had a point.
 
 

Jen asked, "When Justin told you, he wasn't, like, breaking up with you, was he?"  I shook my head no and she continued, "Then Sash's right.  The best way to get back at her is to show her how much Justin wants to be with you.  We wouldn't be here if he wasn't in love with you.  So show her what the deal is.  Don't let her fuck up your relationship because that's what she’s trying to do and so far she's succeeding."
 
 

Well.  She had another point.
 

"You guys think I should go back in there and try to work things out?  After they screwed?"  I couldn't believe what my friends were telling me.
 

"If you're not in there she'll weasel her way back in there in no time," Sash pointed out.  "And as much as I hate him, I hate to see you sad, so ... yeah, I guess I'm telling you to get in there and take your rightful place.  You don't even have to fight for your place; he already prefers you to her.  So don't throw this whole thing away, Tara.  Go back there and at least talk to him."
 
 

What else could I do?  My two best friends in the world were telling me to fight for what was mine and I still wanted him, I couldn't deny it.  I just wasn't sure if I trusted him anymore.  But there was only one way to find out.
 
 

Standing, I went into the bathroom and washed my puffy face and tried to make myself look presentable, and then I left the suite to go back to Justin's. I could see another figure approaching from the opposite end of the hallway but I didn’t pay attention.  I had plenty on my mind already.  But the closer I got to Justin's suite, the easier I could see who the other person was.
 
 

It was Britney.
 

Like clockwork, we managed to reach his door at exactly the same moment and sized each other up.  I never realized how bad her skin was until then and how stumpy her body was.  She was still pretty but she wasn't the invincible goddess the press painted her out to be.  That made me feel better, so I spoke to her.  "Hi, Britney."
 
 

"Hi Tara," she smiled back with a 100% Colgate smile.  The same snarky one she'd had before outside that made me want to bitch-slap her.  "Looks like we both have business with Justin, doesn't it?"
 
 

"Looks like it," I answered, and not wanting the conversation to go any further, I knocked on the door loudly.  Might as well get this showdown over with.
 
 

Justin opened the door and looked like he was about to pass out one he got a good look at his visitors. 
 
 

Good, I thought. 
 
 

"Justin, I need to talk to you," Britney said in her sugary-sweet accent.
 
 

I stepped in, too.  "So do I."  I crossed my arms and waited for him to choose, so to speak.  If he chose her over me it would be the final nail in the coffin our relationship.  "Now."
 
 

He's no fool. Well, he is, but he's not that big of a fool.  "Um, Brit, can I hit you back later?  T and I really need to talk right now."
 
 

Good answer.
 
 

She actually pouted, what, was she sixteen?  "But it's important, J!"
 
 

I'd had enough.  "So is this.  You'll have to wait,” I brushed past her and walked into the suite like I owned the place.  Britney didn't realize how close she was to getting a beat-down.  Justin did, though, and hastily got rid of her.
 
 

Once she was gone, Justin came and stood in front of me, where I was standing in the middle of the floor.  "You came back," was all he said.
 
 

"I love you," I said honestly.  "I'm not giving up that easily ... as much as I don't trust you, you're still mine.  Not hers."
 
 

"Is that the only reason you came back?  To keep me away from Brit?  Because there is no me and Brit, T ... there's only me and you.  I swear," he tentatively reached out and took my hand as I started to cry again.  "Can I hold you baby?" he asked softly, and I nodded.
 
 

And there we stood, me crying while he stroked my back and hair and swore to me that we were going to be okay.
 
 

I had to believe him.  We were going to get past this.  I would be the perfect girlfriend.  He wouldn't have to stray.
 
 

We were going to be okay.  Somehow.